How Can I Get My 2 Year-Old Son To Stop Hitting Me?

A month ago, my toddler son (2 years old & 2 months) would vent out his anger by hitting me or his relatives. The hitting is not often like he just loves hitting anybody for no apparent reason. He would hit me when his cousins would report him for his wrongdoings while they are playing, reporting him if he was in danger and if I said no to anything that is not right for him. 

I began to worry. I do not know how to deal with it if he hits me again. I just told him to not hit me and that he is a good boy. But it didn't work. He would still hit if there's a reporting and a "No" from me. 

So last night, I researched online as to how to deal with a hitting toddler. I wanted some pointers and help from professionals. 

How can I get my 2-year-old to stop hitting me?

According to Child Psychologist Penelope Leach, children have the right to use their bodies to express their feelings, but they don't have the right to hurt someone. Even if you generally let other kinds of misbehavior slide, you need to draw the line at letting your child hit you in anger.

Of course, this doesn't mean that when your 2-year-old hurts you, it's okay to hurt him back. If your child hits you and you spank him or discipline him by force, you'll only teach him that aggression is an acceptable way to express his feelings or to get what he wants. Instead, take your child's hands and say, "No hitting. I know you're angry, but we don't hit people. Hitting hurts."

Some experts suggest that parents offer an angry child a harmless way to "vent" his pent-up fury, such as pummeling a special pillow. This, in my opinion, is a mistake. Anger is a feeling, and feelings don't get "used up." In fact, it's clear from recent research that "harmless violence" is a contradiction in terms. A child who's encouraged to wallop his pillow in anger is more — not less — likely to see walloping a person as an acceptable alternative.

When your child behaves aggressively, be clear with him that it's not his anger you disapprove of, but his violent expression of it. Don't tell him not to get angry or not to show that he's angry. Simply acknowledge his feeling — and perhaps even sympathize with it — but then remind him that it's much more constructive to use his words to tell you why he's upset. This way, the two of you can try to come up with a solution to whatever's vexing him.

Sense of Relief

I was relieved to read it. I can’t imagine my son with a violent temper. After all, he is such an adorable son, so sweet and well behaved. Only the hitting worried me.

This morning, he hit me again. So I told him  what I read last night. "Baby, don't hit because it hurts. No hitting OK?" He seemed to understand and said in his usual baby talk, "Hurts. Hurts." And then I said, "Yes, it hurts baby. Don't do it gain OK?" and then I freed him and he would resume his play time. 

Afternoon surprise.  

Around 3:30PM this afternoon, I prepared the room for him to sleep. I closed the curtains to have a dim-light effect, prepared his pillow and pacifier. I let him enter the room and he didn't refuse. Usually, he did as he would do everything not to enter the room because room for him means sleep and prison. But surprisingly, he didn't. So I presumed he must be feeling sleepy already. He lay his head on the bed and his body on the floor while eating his favorite biscuit. I just let him play a little so as to prepare himself to sleep. 

But after around fifteen minutes, my bored son wanted to go out of the room. I said, "No baby! You better sleep. It's time for you to sleep!" And then the hitting happened again. So I tried to ignore him and rolled on my right side so I won't be facing him. But he crawled and this time he kicked me! I was kind of upset already but still need to contain my emotion. So what I did, when he kicked, I stopped and hold both his leg and pushed it slightly, saying, "I said don't kick me. You stay away from me. I don't want you near me again if you will still hit and kick me." He cried his heart out for like ten minutes and still cried continuously while waiting for me to pacify him. I tried not to give in and let him cry until he would stop. But he still cried and forcing himself to cry if I would still ignore him. 

After around 20 minutes, I pacified him, wiped his tears and carried him in my arms. I told him calmly but with command to not do it again. You should say sorry to mama for what you did to me. To my surprise, he did say sorry. Not once, but twice! I was really overwhelmed. I didn't expect him to say it since I was not able to teach him that. He was only a baby you know.