The day before yesterday, I tried so hard not to cry but I failed. Tears just started to flow minutes before my husband's scheduled time to leave to the airport. I stayed in the room, busied my mind & swiping up and up my iPhone (Facebooking but the mind was far, far away). The room opened (time to leave) and saw my husband. Seeing him made me even cry harder. I can feel a big lump in my throat, I can barely speak. If only I could only stop time to pass. I am not yet ready to see him leaving us again. It gets worse every time I saw my son. I pity him so much especially now that he developed a special bond with his father. And then my husband asked? "Why did you cry?" I can't apparently speak, but my mind was quick to respond, "You don't know why?" Such an insensitive jerk! Lol!
After quite, just quite regaining my composure, I said, "We'll just stay here." And then I started crying again. Damn! My husband went outside of the room, went back after a few minutes, hugged and kissed me, and told me that we will just stay home. His brother will drive him to the airport instead. Such a relief for me! I don't have to endure the pain of seeing him leave, much more seeing him entering the arrival hall of the airport. He locked the door while I sobbed inconsolably. My son was playing his tablet along his older cousins, clueless of what's happening around. I thank his cousins who took over and played with my son so I can freely have my crying moment.
When I was young and single, I told myself not to marry a seaman. They only get to spend a little time with their respective families after months or even years of working abroad. But I am married to an engineer not a seaman, why I am on the same boat as the wives of the seamen? I should have told myself before to not also marry an OFW.
What is an OFW?
An Overseas Filipino is a person of Filipino origin who lives outside of the Philippines. This term applies to Filipinos who are both abroad indefinitely as citizens or permanent residents of a different country, and to those Filipino citizens abroad for a limited, definite period, such as on a work contract or a student. It can also include seamen and others who work outside the Philippines but are not residents, either permanent or temporary, of another country. (Source: Wikipedia)
Sentiments...
When my husband will return home for a short vacation, I am in heaven. But when he'll depart again, I am at my lowest. It felt like I became a "widow" again and again.
When I was pregnant, he was only there when I delivered our son. But now that our son is two years old and four months, I give credit to myself for taking care of my son alone from infancy until now. It's difficult if your other half is thousands miles away working hard for our future. The good thing is that, I have my family and my in-laws to back me up. My husband may not be present, but because you have your family, they became your anchor when you feel like you are about to drown.
That feeling when you need someone to talk to, or feel like eating out, need someone help you with the household chores, take care of the baby, but he was out of reach because of our circumstance. It was just one of the feelings an OFW wife will endure.
Having an OFW husband entails a lot of commitment, understanding, patience and most of all, LOVE. It's not easy being far away from each other, especially that we have a son. There were nights that you will really miss your partner or regrets that he was not able to witness the milestones of our son. But anyhow, I really thank that communication nowadays is not as hard as before. All of my son's milestones, big or small, were all communicated well with my husband through an iPhone app, Viber. Or if we want to talk face to face, we will use Skype. And some other social media like Facebook or Instagram.
We may be well taken care of, live a comfortable life, buy things that we want, drive car, eat the foods that we want to eat, travel in and outside of the country, etc. But the sacrifices at stake is so high. So high that I am willing to work again so long as he will work right here with us. But then again, I hope it's just that easy. Life in the Philippines is so hard. My husband's salary in Singapore is way too high compared here. Considering also the bills and loans that we are still paying.
Sometimes, I daydream. Daydreaming that one day, money will not be a problem anymore so that we will be together every day for good. But life is not a bed of roses. Sacrifice first before glory. I wish that one day, I will no longer experience the pain of being left behind again and again. Life is too short. I hope one day, we will be together every single day as a family. So long as there is God out there who will guide us, I know that we can manage to keep the marriage alive despite the distance.
Thanks for reading!
xoxo,
jackie
